Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
