Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
