So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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