I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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