I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
