Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
