10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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