Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
