not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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