you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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