My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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