If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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