never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
