There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
