Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
pop tarts are not kleenex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
