my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
