don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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