my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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