He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
