fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
