You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
