I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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