Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
