If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
