I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
