dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
