NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
