Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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