Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
