We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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