No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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