I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
