oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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