im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
