The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
