Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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