Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
