I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My penis needs a shock collar
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
