dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
