drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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