i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
