dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My feet surprised me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
