I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
