p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
