I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
