Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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