Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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