Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
