WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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