I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
