1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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