we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
