you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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