my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
